I'm 30 and I live in a dorm.
So I just moved in with my girlfriend to a nice two bedroom apartment on the hill, refinished hardwood floors and all new appliances… The landlord looked at us with an eyebrow of concern, which I took as a good sign- never can be too careful about who you let live in your building, after all. (That’s probably why it took kev so long to find a place…)
He described the building as a “quiet, professional” environment, and pointed to the mid-thirties couple- a lawyer and a software rep- as demonstration of that fact.
We write the check.
The day weekend after we move in is my thirtieth birthday/superbowl/housewarming/wine tasting. (an aside here- everyone got the email that said it was a wine tasting, but only 3 people out of 25 brought wine…in the immortal words of Cobra Commander, “I’ve got morons on my payroll.”) The established couple across the hall moves out, leaving three empty apartments out of eight…
We meet our new next-door neighbors when they attempt to integrate superbowl parties by tossing out the always tantalizing icebreaker: “I used to be into backyard wrestling, but then I fucked up my knee.” Add to that the fact that they looked too young to buy wine- which, you’ll remember, we were sorely lacking- and we decided to politely decline. Upon exit, they promtply tied together the shoelaces of our guests- who had left their footwear in the hall outside our door- and proceeded to duct tape our doorknob to the one across from it…
Last night, we met our new across the hall neighbor. She looked pretty cute, but unfortunately, she’s really into retro 80’s music (“Oh my God, it’s Nina Blackwood!”), which she prefers to play UNTIL 5AM WITH THE VOLUME SET TO 11! But the best part of the night came around 4:45AM, when it sounded a lot like the two groups got together and had one giant Busch Light Jamboree. Break out your Billy Bass, we’s a gonna have us a sing-along! FUCK!
You ask yourself how much more depressing could this possibly get, and the answer that you get back is none, none more depressing…
Until the apartment above us is rented.