coverage schmoverage
Three weeks ago I got layed off. It was not a big deal, because I was about to quit anyway, and had already started looking for a new job. Breaking an Office Space(tm) rule, I got laid off on a Monday. That same day I hatched a scheme.
You see, E3 was this week. Ever since I was a young lad, I knew of two events that real gamers would kill to be present at: CES (in Las Vegas), and E3 (in LA). I always wanted to go. This year, I hatched a plan. E3 is not open to the public. I decided to see if I had the moxie to get in, as Media. Only two golden tickets were required: 1) a letter from an editor, publisher, etc. (on their letterhead) stating that I was there “on assignment,” and 2) an industry-related article published within the last six months.
Thats it.
It was so simple. I figured I could do it all on my own, but to expedite things, I brought in the brilliance of Kevin, who is a master craftsman. For the article, he made it look all scanned in and copied. It was beautiful. For the letter, well, he actually sent me on assignment for Alternate. This is the “story” that was “promised” to “him” about “E3.”(continued in the Comment thingie)
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It should be stressed that Kevin’s creations were far better than anything I could have dreamed up. Anyways, E3 is not an event for the visually sensitive. Flashing lights, constant movement, and a fair amount of fake boobies were abundant. There are far too many large, sweaty men constantly around you. You know, I’m going to skip most of the industry related info, because there are a thousand game sites around, and you probably know most of it. You fuckers are stuck with my opinions and whatnot. Xbox is dumb. The controller sucks. I went for three games: Super Smash Bros. Melee (on Gmaecube), Tony Hawk 3 (on PS2), and Halo (on Xbox). The first two are fucking brilliant. I spent about an hour (cumulatively) on each game, because I know the originals inside and out. Halo was a disappointment. This game could have revolutionized FPS games, but instead its just a pretty damn good FPS with a crappy controller. Seriously, your thumbs slip off and it feels bulky. And Halo had shit for framerate. Anyways, THPS3 was on a LAN between the two huge convention halls, and there was virtually no lag. On a side note, I landed my first real life ollie last week. I am such a poser. Playstation 2 is worthwhile for three things: THPS3, Metal Gear Solid 2, and Final Fantasy X. Those three games have undeniable quality. The weird thig was that with the Gamecube around, the PS2 started looking kinda shabby. You see, the Gamecube is the first system I’ve seen to really REALLY deliver CG quality graphics. It’s eerie, and great. The controller is weird, but really wonderful once you get used to it. All the reports of it “melting into your hand” have quite a bit of truth to them. If you haven’t doneso already, go find some video on IGN or something of Rogue Leader, aka “The best Star Wars game ever.” I’ve been a loyal Nintendo supporter since 1986, and it’s nice to see the company fucking some shit up again. Beyond Gamecube’s brilliance, other highlights include: Silent Hill 2 (for Playstation 2) being really goddamn freaky. Talking to Neversoft (THPS developers) people. Seeing Tony Hawk, Bucky Lasek, Mat Hoffman, and Rune Glifburg in the vert ramp that Activision had set up. Free t-shirts. Free foam gamecube mockups. Beating the Japs and Frenchies at Smash Bros Melee. Being invited to a Britney Spears Press Conference. Tekken competition. Free gaming magazines. Getting through the press registration in less than two minutes. Being interviewed by the Washington Post (not getting into their eventual article, I might add). How surreal everything was. I don’t know. It’s all a big jumble, and thats really what the event is like. I think next year I may try to get into the media conference that happens the day before. Those people got badass free schwag. Bottom line is: Xbox sucks, PS2 is all right, and Gamecube is wonderful (and cheaper). Next year I’m wearing better shoes. If any of you want specific impressions, just lemme know. I’ll answer to the best of my knowledge. Anyways, the THPS3 Demo comes out in 10 days or so (on Sony’s Summer Jampack), so I’m gonna go practice my skillz. Sorry my story sucks and that I’m afraid to press return.
You should(a) put this on the first page??? It was great, I enjoyed the read…
yeah i thought about that, but i didn’t want to bogart the whole main page, and i thought the events leading up to the event were as interesting as the event itself (ha!). but thanks, im glad ya liked it. it’s always weird reading something you wrote at 1am the next day…
I’m not even into games and your article was interesting and fun to read. Now I want to go next year!
“Magic ticket, my ass, McBain.”
It should be stressed that Kevin’s creations were far better than anything I could have dreamed up. Anyways, E3 is not an event for the visually sensitive. Flashing lights, constant movement, and a fair amount of fake boobies were abundant. There are far too many large, sweaty men constantly around you. You know, I’m going to skip most of the industry related info, because there are a thousand game sites around, and you probably know most of it. You fuckers are stuck with my opinions and whatnot. Xbox is dumb. The controller sucks. I went for three games: Super Smash Bros. Melee (on Gmaecube), Tony Hawk 3 (on PS2), and Halo (on Xbox). The first two are fucking brilliant. I spent about an hour (cumulatively) on each game, because I know the originals inside and out. Halo was a disappointment. This game could have revolutionized FPS games, but instead its just a pretty damn good FPS with a crappy controller. Seriously, your thumbs slip off and it feels bulky. And Halo had shit for framerate. Anyways, THPS3 was on a LAN between the two huge convention halls, and there was virtually no lag. On a side note, I landed my first real life ollie last week. I am such a poser. Playstation 2 is worthwhile for three things: THPS3, Metal Gear Solid 2, and Final Fantasy X. Those three games have undeniable quality. The weird thig was that with the Gamecube around, the PS2 started looking kinda shabby. You see, the Gamecube is the first system I’ve seen to really REALLY deliver CG quality graphics. It’s eerie, and great. The controller is weird, but really wonderful once you get used to it. All the reports of it “melting into your hand” have quite a bit of truth to them. If you haven’t doneso already, go find some video on IGN or something of Rogue Leader, aka “The best Star Wars game ever.” I’ve been a loyal Nintendo supporter since 1986, and it’s nice to see the company fucking some shit up again. Beyond Gamecube’s brilliance, other highlights include: Silent Hill 2 (for Playstation 2) being really goddamn freaky. Talking to Neversoft (THPS developers) people. Seeing Tony Hawk, Bucky Lasek, Mat Hoffman, and Rune Glifburg in the vert ramp that Activision had set up. Free t-shirts. Free foam gamecube mockups. Beating the Japs and Frenchies at Smash Bros Melee. Being invited to a Britney Spears Press Conference. Tekken competition. Free gaming magazines. Getting through the press registration in less than two minutes. Being interviewed by the Washington Post (not getting into their eventual article, I might add). How surreal everything was. I don’t know. It’s all a big jumble, and thats really what the event is like. I think next year I may try to get into the media conference that happens the day before. Those people got badass free schwag. Bottom line is: Xbox sucks, PS2 is all right, and Gamecube is wonderful (and cheaper). Next year I’m wearing better shoes. If any of you want specific impressions, just lemme know. I’ll answer to the best of my knowledge. Anyways, the THPS3 Demo comes out in 10 days or so (on Sony’s Summer Jampack), so I’m gonna go practice my skillz. Sorry my story sucks and that I’m afraid to press return.
You should(a) put this on the first page??? It was great, I enjoyed the read…
yeah i thought about that, but i didn’t want to bogart the whole main page, and i thought the events leading up to the event were as interesting as the event itself (ha!). but thanks, im glad ya liked it. it’s always weird reading something you wrote at 1am the next day…
I’m not even into games and your article was interesting and fun to read. Now I want to go next year!
“Magic ticket, my ass, McBain.”