Category: Uncategorized

Has anyone else had the disturbing thought that maybe, just maybe, the internet will disappear at 4:04 PM on 4/04? Scary as hell.

I don’t think I’ve yet ranted here about the usability of grocery stores. Every time I’m in one, I think about writing, and then when I get home I’m just so happy to be gone from there that I simply forget to write. So.

First of all, if you’re married/engaged/have kids/etc, you might know of the simple pleasure of going shopping for groceries by yourself. At first, everything is a joy. “I can get EZ-Cheez! She’s not here to give me that look!” and such. But then, as you move down the relatively simple list she’s so helpfully made out for you, you find that you can’t find some of the items listed therein.

Like canned mushrooms. Or canned chiles, let’s say.

You backtrack and think of checking the produce aisle. But canned vegetables don’t belong next to the lively, young fresh ones. That just doesn’t seem right and you’re quickly proven right. But then! Then, at the height of your husbandly glory, you realize that there is in fact a canned vegetable asile. Canned! Vegetables! Mushrooms are vegetables! Chiles are vegetables! That’s where our phantom items must of course be.

Canned. Vegetables. Canned.

They’re not there. You look up, down, up down, moving slowly from one side to the other. Not a damn thing. No chiles, no mushrooms. So. You remember back to the by-gone days of shopping with your mother and remember that chiles are almost always next to the olives. You don’t see olives in this so-called “canned vegetables” aisle (which consists mostly of canned green beans) either. You start to think like the host of a reality-tv show: “If I can find the elusive canned olive, I find our prize: The Canned Chiles.”

You think that this approach will help, but it does not. You think of throttling a Safeway employee: Where are the damn chiles?! Why are they treated different in this crazy Safeway Taxonomy? Why can’t I think of where they might be-

Then you slightly remember an ‘Ethnic Foods’ aisle. Asian foods. Italian foods. HISPANIC FOODS. Which is of COURSE where they are: ‘hispanic foods.’ Why didn’t I think of that? you ask yourself. And then you remember: because CANNED VEGETABLES is where they LOGICALLY SHOULD BE.

And the olives were across the aisle. Ricotta cheese was in the back, next to the milk, right above the cottage cheese. But that’s a story for another day.

Hugh the Borg. Laforge becoming intangible. Riker going insane thinking its a play. Picard living an entire lifetime in 25 minutes. Data playing poker with Newton, Einstein, and Hawking. Riker meeting the other Riker. Tasha Yar dying twice. Cat named Spot. Moriarty leaving the goddamned Holodeck.

TNN has informed me of the three worst words in the English language: Star Trek Marathon. First of all, it should be known that I’m all for allowing the audience the ability to see as many episodes (of any series) as they wish. There are about a thousand shows that I believe should be released on DVD in their entirety. Thankfully, I don’t give a damn about TNN so its not like Star Trek is getting in the way of any worthwhile programming. Secondly, I’m a geek. My friends and I played D&D for the first time in years last week. Very different doing such a thing, post loss-of-virginity. It was fun.

Anyway, Star Trek: The Next Generation is a far better show than I remembered. Respect for doing the smart sci-fi thing and focusing on human characteristics and not space travel/technology stuff. Damn good nostalgia all around.

Grand Royal Records, started by the Beastie Boys, is officially going out of business. Kind of sad seeing as they only had two good bands: the Beastie Boys and at the drive-in. Notice, though, that the logo on the top left says “Since 1992.” But in the news column it says “1993-2001.” Also the title on the site is “Guaranteed Every Time.” Not for long.

I hate posting links where you need to navigate to the actual content itself… but you simply MUST follow this link:

Bjork + Insert Silence: The New ‘Pagan Poetry’ Video.

Insert Silence being the people that put it together. Fucking great. 30 Mb, Shockwave + QuickTime required. Oh, and Bjork is slightly topless in it, along with some very sensual & suggestive illustrative imagery. So don’t expect to see it on MTV anytime soon. At least not in this form.

So click here, and click ‘Way in.’ Then click the top link the content frame, the one that says ‘ Pagan Poetry Björk/Nick Knight/Insert Silence/’ with the picture of Bjork. It’s much easier than it sounds, just fucking do it. Unless of course you’re stuck on a 28.8 modem.. Then just go stick your head in a bucket, because you’re missing something fucking cool. Via Surfstation.

Why this ad is the worst ad on the internet. Be careful, slight penis-related humor.

Cute. It’s a Kevin Smith-penned comic about he and his wife’s first kiss. Cute. NYTimes registration required. Via Memepool.

So today, I went out to lunch with a bunch of developers to a fucking sports bar. The highlight of which was that I got to ride in a Porsche 911 Carrera Cabriolet back the office. With the top down.

Chocolat. See it with someone you love. As soon as you can.

As Neil Gaiman (or was it Terry Pratchett?) has said in the past: “‘Good’ and ‘Evil’ are just names for sides.”

Something perhaps to keep in mind.